Feeling Down...

I'm feeling a little down tonight. Had one of those days at work where nothing went right, then my son told me he didn't want to go to college anymore. He's only been in college for 2 months, but his lack of motivation has not caught me by surprise. Still, it makes me sad.

My son and I have a lot in common. I've always been one of those people that likes to do what I like to do and I don't like to do what I don't like. My son is the same way. I learned how to manage those feelings and it took a lot of painful mistakes to reach that maturity level. It's painful again watching my son traveling the same path.

I'm not very happy at work now either. I just wrapped up a great project that took a year to complete. It was a lot of work and delivering the final product was very gratifying. That was 3 months ago. Since that time I've been spending all my time trying to resolve problems with another software product we have implemented at numerous customer sites. Not fun and not interesting. Hence my dissatisfaction.

I don't know if I will survive in my current position. I need excitement in my job. I need a feeling of accomplishment and contribution. It's not clear if there is any further opportunity for that now.

I feel a loyalty to my current boss. He is the one who brought me back to this company to work on the exciting project that I spent the year on. He counts on me to contribute technical expertise and leadership to our small office. Still, our office is a speck in vast ocean of a bigger company. I feel like we are the ugly step-child that they don't know what to do with. That makes me sad too.

I don't know what to do. I'm older now so I've learned to be a little more patient, but after spending the last few months doing very insignificant activities, I think it may be time to see if my skills could be put to better use. Not a great time in our current market to be feeling this way.

In the last 45 days I've spent about $5300 in auto repairs and maintenance. $3700 of it was on repair work that happened rapid fire in 2 installments on a crappy 96 Blazer. $2500 was spent replacing a rear main seal and a fuel pump that was housed in a gas tank. Then new rotors and brakes. 2 days later the catalytic converter went out. $1100 for an after-market replacement and 4 O2 sensors that should be replaced with it. The other $1500 fortunately was spent on our Acura for a 90K maintenance cycle. I love that car so I don't mind investing it it because I know it will last. I have no confidence that the Blazer will hold up after all this. It's really just a piece of trash.

I've felt depressed like this before. On a positive note, these feelings always pass. These will pass too. Maybe I'm just tired. I usually try to consider how measly my problems are in the big scheme of life and compared to the problems that others have. Even at my worst, I should consider myself lucky. I'll try to remember that. Tomorrow.